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5 Relationship Lessons to Learn After an Affair

Some lessons are more painful to learn than others. When betrayal is at the root, the pain is particularly deep. What are we to do if we’ve been cheated on? At first, of course, some rather extreme options may appear tempting. With a little time and perspective, however, we are left with some stark realities. Still, in the midst of it all, some powerful relationship lessons may be found.

First Things First

Take time to ponder the connectio that lies beneath the current crisis.Before anyone can seek out lessons, they must practice some self-love. For the betrayed partner, this begins with confronting the cheater. They must take accountability. They must cut off all contact with the other person and be prepared to answer any and all questions. If you are on the wrong end of infidelity, you have every right to set the agenda for healing. You are not to be blamed. You are not to be rushed. Find a support system and give yourself space to do some essential thinking.

In time, you and your partner have some major decisions to make. Within that process, be on the lookout for what you can learn. Regardless of what resolution you choose, you will need to move forward. The relationship lessons you discover amidst the sadness and anger can help carry you through whatever comes next.

5 Relationship Lessons to Learn After an Affair

1. What’s Not Working?

How the betrayer explains their actions is a window into how they feel as part of a couple with you. Of course, every relationship has issues. This breach of trust has the power to thrust those issues into the spotlight. Examine them closely.

2. What is Working?

In the process of healing and reconciliation, you will likely work with a counselor (see below). Undoubtedly, you and your significant other will take stock of what they like or love about your relationship. This is another useful window. Take time to ponder the connection that lies beneath the current crisis.

3. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Divorce and/or separation is an option. Neither of you has to continue in the relationship if the fallout from this episode is insurmountable. We all hope for “happily ever after” but life is never that neat. This is especially important for the betrayed partner to grasp. Get in touch with your feelings and be honest about them. Of course, when kids and financial factors are involved, be sure to seek professional guidance before any moves are made.

4. How Am I Reacting?

The unfaithful partner has some serious soul searching to do. They must monitor how they feel and also, how they explain themselves. The faithful partner should explore their reaction, too. Are you blaming yourself? Are you factoring in too many outside opinions? Did you suspect something all along? In this relationship lesson ask questions about your reactions and learn from them.

5. What Does Trust Mean to Me?

This may be the foundational lesson. Every situation has its own unique nuances. However, each and every one of us defines “trust” differently. Be sure to decide this without outside influence.

Some Relationship Lessons Are Tough to Recognize

Use these relationships lessons to help after an affairInfidelity has a way of blurring reality. You may find yourself not even trusting your own perceptions. This is not unusual. It is also manageable. Whether you attend alone or with your partner, therapy can be a healing choice. A couples counselor has vast experience in a wide range of relationship issues and is equipped with valuable relationship lessons. They can guide you during such a difficult time.

Your therapy sessions will serve as a safe space in which to explore the wide range of emotions you are juggling. It’s also where you and your spouse can honestly and directly discuss your perspectives on what the immediate future holds. Betrayal can be traumatic. Fortunately, help is available. Reach out for a consultation soon. Eddins Counseling Group, in Houston, TX  has many experienced couples counselors that can help after an affair. Call us at 832-559-2622 or book an appointment online.

Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP on Twitter
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP
Rachel’s passion is to help people discover their personal gifts and strengths to achieve self-acceptance, create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body, and find meaning and fulfillment in work and life roles. She helps people create nurturance and healing from within to restore balance and enoughness and overcome binge eating, emotional eating, anxiety, depression and lack of career fulfillment.

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