November 14, 2024
Webinar: Calming the Chaos: Raising Emotionally Regulated Children
Written by Guest Author
Posted in Parenting & Family and with tags: children, parenting
Tired of the Tantrums? Reclaim Your Peace with Effective Regulation Strategies
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child’s emotional outbursts? Do you find yourself yelling, caving, or ignoring their needs? If so, you’re not alone. Many parents and caregivers struggle to help their children regulate their emotions, leading to frustration and tension in the home.
In this webinar, you’ll learn:
- The Science of Regulation: Understand the underlying mechanisms of emotional regulation and how it affects both you and your child.
- Practical Strategies for Co-Regulation: Discover effective techniques to help your child calm down and feel understood.
- The Power of Self-Regulation: Learn how to manage your own emotions and model healthy coping strategies for your child.
- Building a Stronger Parent-Child Bond: Foster a deeper connection with your child through empathy and understanding.
By attending this webinar, you can expect to:
- Reduce the frequency and intensity of tantrums and meltdowns.
- Improve your child’s ability to self-soothe and manage their emotions.
- Enhance your own emotional well-being and parenting skills.
- Create a more peaceful and harmonious home environment.
About the Host:
Rae Morris* is a seasoned therapist with a passion for helping caregivers and children navigate the complexities of emotional regulation. With a background in education and mental health, Rae brings a unique perspective to her work, combining empathy, practical advice, and evidence-based techniques.
*LPC-Associate #96558, Supervised by Diana Cabrera-Stewart, MA, LPC-S #73994
Watch a replay of the presentation here.
The webinar, titled “Calming the Chaos: Raising Emotionally Regulated Children,” is facilitated by Ray Morris, a counselor at Eddins Counseling Group. More information about Ray’s background and expertise can be found on the group’s website. Ray primarily works with children, adolescents, parents, and other adults, focusing on individuals aged 6 to 18 and beyond.
Ray’s professional experience spans over a decade and includes various roles working with children. Early on, Ray served as a long-term nanny, supporting children from infancy through adolescence, and as a mentor for middle and high school students. Later, Ray worked as a teacher with children aged 18 months to 6 years. With a master’s degree in education and counseling, Ray is now in the second year of counseling children, adolescents, and their parents, deeply committed to this important work, and is excited to continue growing in the field.
The session focuses on understanding emotional regulation, including the concept of dysregulation. Participants will explore modeling behaviors as parents, the process of co-regulation, and an introduction to regulation tools and skills. While this presentation provides a foundational overview, there is a wealth of additional resources available for further exploration. Attendees are encouraged to make note of their questions to ensure they are addressed during the Q&A portion at the end.
What Does “Emotionally Regulated” Mean…
and what does it mean to be “dysregulated”?
The foundation begins with understanding emotional regulation and its counterpart, dysregulation. Emotional regulation can occur either automatically, without conscious awareness, or intentionally. It encompasses all emotions, influencing how they are experienced and expressed. Being emotionally regulated means maintaining control over emotions and managing their impact on thoughts and behaviors effectively.
Dysregulation, the opposite of emotional regulation, refers to a lack of control over emotions and their influence on thoughts and behaviors. While these concepts might initially seem unfamiliar, they are universal and affect everyone daily—whether it’s you, your partner, children, friends, extended family, coworkers, or even your pets.
Emotional regulation is not static. It shifts throughout the day depending on your environment and circumstances. A common example is when a child has an outburst, ignores directions, clings to you, or “pushes your buttons.” In these moments, it’s natural for feelings of dysregulation to arise—when emotions bubble up and controlling thoughts and behaviors becomes challenging. For parents and caretakers, this can happen frequently.
Identifying Dysregulation
Emotions start in the body
To better understand dysregulation, it’s helpful to recognize its physical signs, which serve as indicators of what might be happening within your body, mind, or environment. Examples include racing thoughts, sweating, stomach aches, crying, feeling choked up, yelling, or even hitting. Physical cues such as changes in breathing, muscle tension, or a tight jaw can also signal dysregulation, both in yourself and your children. Recognizing these signs is the first step in addressing them.
Dysregulation can also manifest through sensory changes, such as feeling hot or tingly skin, ringing in the ears, blurry vision, or a pounding heart. Recognizing dysregulation begins with awareness of these physical sensations in the body. Importantly, dysregulation isn’t limited to negative emotions—it can also occur with heightened positive feelings, such as intense happiness.
Dysregulation can sometimes be seen in moments of joy, such as crying from happiness, becoming so excited that your face turns red, jumping up and down, or experiencing racing thoughts. This concept applies to both positive and negative emotions, as intense feelings of any kind can impact how we regulate ourselves.
These emotional and physical triggers directly influence how we respond, typically through one of three primary survival responses: fight, flight, or freeze.
- Fight is exactly what it sounds like—an energetic reaction that might involve yelling, arguing, or physically expressing the emotion.
- Flight involves avoidance or running away, and it can also manifest in behaviors like lying, as a way to escape or evade a situation.
- Freeze is characterized by paralysis or shutting down, where little to no action occurs, and it’s difficult to process or respond to external input.
Each response serves as a natural survival mechanism during moments of dysregulation.
Let’s take a moment to reflect—how many of us were taught that emotions like anger or jealousy are “bad? It’s important to recognize that negative emotions are not the same as bad emotions. We experience a wide range of emotions daily, and unfortunately, we don’t get to choose which ones arise.
While it might be convenient to select only the pleasant ones, all emotions serve a purpose; they exist to communicate something important to us. Even if they feel uncomfortable or distressing, they are not inherently bad and don’t need to be avoided. Instead, they can provide valuable insights when acknowledged and understood.
Emotions are cues that invite us to get curious.
They are valid and serve as signals, triggered by various factors like situations, environments, interactions, behaviors, and even our thoughts. For example, a passive-aggressive email from a coworker or being around someone who makes you feel uncomfortable can trigger emotional responses, changing how you perceive your environment.
These emotions can be sparked by your own behavior or someone else’s, and your thoughts can also trigger emotions. Interestingly, emotions can work both ways—your emotions can trigger thoughts and behaviors. Ultimately, emotions are valuable cues that provide insight into what we may need in our physical, psychological, relational, and environmental spaces.
While it’s important to acknowledge that emotions are not inherently bad and that they come from a valid place, it’s equally crucial to recognize that some of our responses to those emotions can be unhelpful or harmful—also known as maladaptive responses. These maladaptive responses do not invalidate the emotion behind them or make the emotion itself “bad.”
Recognizing the validity of our emotions doesn’t excuse or condone harmful behaviors.
Instead, the focus should be on addressing the thoughts and behaviors triggered by those emotions. By doing so, we can learn to use our emotions constructively, turning them into tools for growth and understanding rather than sources of harm.
This is where self-awareness, accountability, and impulse control become essential. It’s important to reflect on where we are developmentally as individuals, especially when considering children and adolescents, whose brains are still in critical stages of development. Even as adults, with fully developed brains, challenges in these areas can persist, making it a lifelong process to navigate and improve these skills.
There will be moments when we’re unaware of the tone we use when responding to a partner, fail to own up to a mistake or decision, or act impulsively without thinking—it’s simply part of being human. This becomes even more significant when parenting someone whose brain is still developing and who relies on your example for guidance.
How Do You Practice Self-Regulation?
One step at a time…over and over again
Practicing self-regulation is a foundational and ongoing process, requiring consistent effort. It’s a step-by-step practice that, while often frustrating, becomes easier with time and repetition—similar to building strength through exercise.
Perceive
The first general step is to perceive: tuning in to yourself, noticing what you’re feeling, and being mindful of the urges and actions you’re experiencing at the moment.
At this stage, it’s not necessary to pinpoint the exact emotion or understand precisely why you’re feeling it. Instead, focus on recognizing that something is coming up—for example, noticing that your skin feels hot, you have an urge to yell, or you sense the impact these feelings might have.
Pause
The next step is to pause. Take a moment to breathe deeply—a slow inhale followed by a long, controlled exhale. Breathing like this increases oxygen in your body, which chemically alters your brain’s response and signals that you are safe. This simple act can help you regain a sense of calm and control.
Historically, when faced with a threat, your breathing changes—it becomes faster and shallower as your brain shifts into survival mode. In that state, your focus narrows to immediate actions like running or reacting. Taking slow, deep breaths with long exhales sends a message to your brain that there’s no need to stay in survival mode, helping you regain a sense of safety and control.
Pausing can last as long as the situation allows. Sometimes it might mean stepping out of the room or running an errand to briefly shift your focus before returning to address the issue. If leaving isn’t an option, even taking a minute or two to pause can make a difference.
Pivot/Proceed
Once calmer, you’re better equipped to pivot and proceed with mindfulness. Revisiting the situation with a clearer mindset helps you validate your emotions, knowing they’re legitimate. It’s also important to recognize that those emotions might resurface as you address the topic, and that’s okay—it’s all part of the process.
It’s also important to remember that you can always take another break if needed. This is where mindfulness comes into play—continuing to perceive what’s coming up for you in the moment.
Hold on…you may be wondering, where does my kid come into this?
Up to this point, we’ve focused on your regulation as the parent, but you may be wondering, “What about my child? How can I help with their behavior?”
We’ve acknowledged that children’s actions often trigger feelings in parents, such as irritation, frustration, or anger. To explore this further, consider whether you’ve ever been triggered by your own parent or caregiver. Reflect for a moment—maybe there was a time they yelled at you, made a decision you felt was unfair, or responded harshly when you sought help. Perhaps they broke your trust or disappointed you in some way. For most people, it’s likely they’ve had moments where their parent or caregiver triggered strong emotions.
This highlights the important role family dynamics play in emotional regulation. As a caregiver, your actions significantly impact your child’s ability to regulate emotions.
Modeling and Co-Regulation
This connection ties directly into the concepts of modeling and co-regulation. Co-regulation is a crucial concept to understand, as dysregulation can feel overwhelming at any age. When the brain enters a survival state—whether fight, flight, or freeze—the areas responsible for controlling emotions and fears become highly active.
At the same time, the parts of the brain responsible for rational thinking and decision-making receive less blood flow and input. This imbalance makes it challenging to take a calming breath or consider the broader context of a situation, often resulting in a narrow focus.
For children, this dynamic is even more pronounced. Their brains are still developing in the regions responsible for rational thinking and decision-making, making them naturally more prone to dysregulation. As parents, it’s important to recognize this developmental stage and provide the support they need.
Co-Regulation
Co-regulation involves a more regulated individual—often the parent—offering assistance to someone who is dysregulated, such as a child. This support helps ground the dysregulated person, guiding them to calm down and transition out of the survival response. It’s a vital way to show up for your child and help them navigate emotional challenges.
Social Learning Theory
Social learning theory provides valuable insight into how children learn behaviors through observation and imitation, making modeling a powerful tool in parenting. Children absorb more from their surroundings than we often realize, externalizing behaviors they’ve seen from parents, teachers, peers, or even strangers. This concept is reinforced by the saying, “Children’s brains are like sponges,” as they are incredibly receptive to the behaviors and actions around them.
For example, a child may yell at classmates because they’ve observed yelling as a response to conflict at home. Alternatively, they might change their behavior or personality to avoid perceived threats, like judgment or peer pressure. Modeling plays a critical role here, as it involves parents consistently demonstrating behaviors they wish their child to adopt. Through intentional and positive modeling, parents can shape their child’s emotional regulation skills and overall behavior.
The challenge lies in the fact that children are always observing, even when parents are unaware of it. This makes intentionality essential—your consistent actions teach more effectively than occasional instructions. The common saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” often falls short.
While children might comply temporarily, they are more likely to revert to behaviors they’ve observed rather than follow verbal directives. By actively and consistently modeling positive, emotionally regulated behaviors, parents can help their children internalize these practices and reduce unwanted behaviors over time.
Modeling
Modeling regulation as an adult can be incredibly beneficial for a child. Just as kids learn to talk through observations and experiences as their brains develop, they also learn how to regulate themselves by watching the adults around them.
I Want to Model Emotional Regulation…
What tools can I lean on?
If you’re starting to understand that your child is observing their environment and your choices, you may be wondering how to stay regulated yourself. While we’ve covered general steps, here are some more specific tools you might find helpful. There are countless resources online to help you find what works best for you.
S.T.O.P. Technique
- S: Stop, pause for a moment
- T: Take a breath
- O: Observe thoughts, feelings, and environment as neutrally as possible
- P: Proceed mindfully, be intentional, and choose to respond as opposed to react
A popular tool is the Stop Technique, which involves stopping and pausing for a moment. Then, take a breath. Next, observe your thoughts, feelings, and the environment as neutrally as possible—without judgment, just objectively assessing the situation, your emotions, and how they are impacting you. Finally, proceed mindfully, making intentional choices in your response rather than reacting impulsively.
Feelings Wheel for All
- Identifying feelings can alleviate distress since understanding our feelings means we can validate them.
- There are tons of feelings wheels available online. See if there is one that is right for you!
- Play Detective – get curious. Your emotions matter too!
The feelings wheel is another useful tool often used with adults, as emotional recognition is not something that was taught in school. While it is becoming more popular now, many people are surprised by how many emotions exist when they explore the feelings wheel. Having a physical tool that lists and categorizes emotions can be incredibly helpful for understanding what you’re experiencing.
Once you can identify a feeling, it can reduce distress and confusion. Understanding your emotions allows you to validate them as well. There are many feeling wheels available online. If something catches your interest, there are many types of feeling wheels available. Ones that are inside-out themed and others that focus on situational emotions, allowing you to assess what situation you’re in and how it might make you feel. There are plenty of options, so explore online and find what works for you.
Another helpful practice is playing detective and getting curious because your emotions matter too. They significantly impact your day-to-day life, change throughout the day, and everyone you know interacts with their emotions and yours. Normalizing this can be beneficial for everyone.
Urge Surfing
- Like a wave, our emotions/urges.behaviors have an initial point that increases in intensity, peaks, and then declines till it’s gone.
- Urge surfing is the concept that all things we experience will pass. What a comforting notion.
Another helpful technique is urge surfing. Like a wave, our emotions, urges, and behaviors follow a natural progression: they begin with a trigger, build in intensity, peak, and then decline until they pass.
For example, in parenting, the peak might manifest as yelling at your child because it feels like the only way to get their attention. While this might seem effective in the short term, urge surfing encourages us to recognize that all feelings and urges are temporary. By acknowledging that the intensity will subside, we can find comfort at the moment and avoid reactive behaviors, reminding ourselves that this too shall pass.
Practice Self-Compassion
Remember: You are an individual, living through each moment for the first time, growing up just like your kiddo.
While discussing self-regulation and the impact of showing up as a regulated presence for your child, it’s important to remember self-compassion. No one is perfect, and no one gets it right every time. Remember, you’re an individual living through each moment for the first time, growing and learning just like your child. One moment where you struggle to stay regulated doesn’t define you as a parent.
It actually provides a really amazing opportunity to open up communication with your kid. Be honest and let them know what you were feeling, and how it affected you, and work together to repair any negative impact your dysregulation might have caused.
This also models honest, open communication for your child. If they have something going on, they’ve seen you come to them and approach the situation, so they can feel safe doing the same with you. Together, you can practice identifying emotions, using coping skills, and just keep practicing.
The Three Rs
Dr. Bruce Perry (2023)
- Regulate: Help with body regulation, connect with your child physically if that would help ground them. Coach them into a calmer state.
- Relate: Express empathy and understanding by verbalizing your child’s emotion, letting them know they are seen.
- Reason: Once calm, revisit the event, reflect, and work with your child to plan for future situations by reviewing coping skills.
The 3Rs technique, developed by Dr. Bruce Perry, is a powerful method for co-regulation with your child. It parallels self-regulation but focuses on working together. Using validation from the start can help facilitate de-escalation. Validation is key throughout all three stages.
The first step is regulation, where you help your child find calm and stability. Start by connecting with them—this could be through eye contact, a reassuring touch, or even a hug. Sometimes, it might involve guiding them to a quieter space where they can feel more grounded. Use your role as a parent to support them in reaching a calmer state while coaching them through the process.
Next, we move into relate. This is where you express empathy and understanding. By this point, you’ve already validated your child’s feelings. For example, you might say, “I see that you’re really frustrated. I understand you don’t want to get off the tablet.” Letting them know they’re seen and heard helps them feel understood and like you can relate to what they’re experiencing.
Finally, there’s reason. Once your child is calm, you can revisit the event together. This step is most effective when their brain is no longer in a heightened state and they’re better able to process. You can work with your child to reflect on what they were feeling at the moment, discuss coping skills, and make a plan for handling similar situations differently in the future.
Regulation Activities
A few examples…
Here are some examples of regulation activities. As mentioned, there are countless resources available online, but these are a few that many clients find particularly helpful.
5 Finger Breathing
5 Finger Breathing is a simple yet effective exercise. All you need is your hand, which you always have with you. To practice, hold one hand out in front of you and use the pointer finger of your opposite hand to trace along the outline of your open hand. As you trace up a finger, take a deep breath in; as you trace down, exhale. Repeat this for all five fingers, focusing on your breathing and the sensation of tracing, which can help ground and calm you.
This exercise can also be introduced to your child as a coping tool. In moments of dysregulation, gently remind them: “Hey, remember the five-finger breathing we practiced? Let’s try it together.” Doing it alongside them can be a calming, co-regulating experience.
Stuffy Breathing
Stuffy Breathing is a great activity, especially for younger children. Have your child lie down on their back with their chest facing up, and place their favorite stuffed animal on their chest. As they breathe, encourage them to watch the stuffed animal rise and fall with each breath. The key here is that in order for the stuffed animal to stay balanced and comfortable, they need to breathe slowly and intentionally. This helps them gain control over their breath and promotes a calming, mindful state.
5 Senses:
Five Senses Grounding is a powerful way to help bring awareness to the present moment and shift focus away from dysregulated emotions. This exercise involves counting backward from five, using each sense to ground yourself:
- Five things you can see: Look around and identify five objects, which could be five things that are a specific color (e.g., red) or five random items in your environment.
- Four things you can feel: Pay attention to the sensation of the chair beneath you, the shoes on your feet, the texture of your clothes, or the cool air entering your nose and lungs.
- Three things you can hear: Notice sounds in your surroundings, like the air conditioner, traffic, dogs barking, or birds chirping.
- Two things you can smell: This might be challenging for some, but it could include the scent of the air or nearby objects.
- One thing you can taste: Focus on the current taste in your mouth, whether it’s from food, drink, or simply the taste of the air.
You don’t have to go through all categories each time—choose what feels most helpful for you and adapt it as needed to bring yourself or your child back to a calm, present state.
Leaf on the Stream
Leaf on the Stream is a visualization technique that can help with letting go of overwhelming emotions or thoughts. Here’s how to guide yourself or a child through it:
- Acknowledge the emotion or thought: Recognize what you’re feeling without judgment. This could be frustration, worry, sadness, etc.
- Visualize it as a small leaf: Imagine the emotion or thought as a leaf, simple and light.
- Maintain neutrality: Try to observe the leaf without judgment or attachment. Feel as neutral as you can about it.
- Place it on a stream: Visualize placing the leaf gently onto a flowing stream, watching as it begins to drift away.
- Let it float away: Notice the leaf moving further and further down the stream, carried away by the water until it’s out of sight.
- Take a deep breath: After releasing the thought, take a slow, calming breath to reinforce the feeling of letting go.
- Repeat as needed: If the thought or emotion resurfaces, repeat the process to help you regain a sense of calm and distance from it.
This exercise helps create a mindful distance from distressing emotions, making it easier to manage them and move forward.
Creating Space from Dysregulation
Some more regulation examples…
Consider trying:
- Physical connection (hugs)
- Alone time
- Holding an ice cube and watching it melt
- Place an ice pack on your chest
- Drinking cold water/splashing your face
- Movement (shaking, jumping)
- Hitting/kicking (mattresses, punching bags)
- Screaming (into pillows)
- Spending time outside
- Limiting screen time
Creating space from dysregulation involves various regulation strategies, including examples that individuals find helpful. For co-regulation, some people benefit from physical connection, such as hugs, while others may prefer alone time to calm down. Both approaches are valid as long as the goal is to reach a state of regulation.
Sensory-based activities can also be effective. For instance, holding an ice cube and watching it melt, placing an ice pack on the chest, drinking cold water, or splashing water on the face are simple and accessible practices. Splashing water on the face, in particular, can be helpful in situations where a child is out and about, such as at school or in a restaurant. Taking a moment to go to the bathroom and splashing water on the face can aid in calming down, and this is something children can do independently.
Movement is another helpful technique. Activities such as shaking, jumping, or hitting and kicking (with appropriate targets like mattresses or punching bags) can release tension. Screaming into pillows and spending time outdoors are also useful for regulation.
A potentially controversial strategy is limiting screen time. While some children may use screen time as a way to relax and disconnect, it can also be overstimulating. This overstimulation can contribute to chaos and make it harder to transition away from the screen to focus on repairing emotions. Depending on the child, limiting screen time may be a beneficial approach to consider.
Calm Down Corner
Calm Down Corner (consider having one in a neutral part of the house and model using it yourself)
- Bubbles to blow
- Fidgets to fidget with
- Books to read/flip through (some emotion-focused)
- Glitter jars to watch or shake
- Scream-free music player (CD player, smart home speaker, Storypod, Tonies, Yoto, etc.)
- Visual night light to watch
- Pillows and blankets to snuggle
- Weighted stuffed animals
- Feelings wheel/chart
A Calm Down corner can be a highly effective tool for supporting emotional regulation, and if it’s possible to provide one, it can be a great addition.
For those who are unable to create a dedicated space, there are plenty of other alternatives. One helpful tip for parents with a Calm Down corner is to place it in a neutral area of the house. This location allows parents to model its use, making it more likely that children will feel comfortable initiating its use themselves.
Often, Calm Down corners are either ignored, not used independently by children, or even perceived as a form of punishment, preventing them from achieving their intended purpose. By positioning it in a neutral space or asking if it can be used in their room, parents can demonstrate how to use the space effectively, fostering an environment where the child feels encouraged to use it.
In cases where a child needs help getting started, co-regulating in the corner can be beneficial. Parents can model behaviors and provide support as the child learns to self-regulate. Items that might be included in a Calm Down corner are bubbles for breathwork, fidget toys, books (including emotion-focused ones), a sensory jar to watch or shake, a screen-free music player (such as a CD player or smart home speaker), a soothing visual night light, and pillows or blankets for comfort.
A weighted stuffed animal can provide a sense of security, and a feelings wheel or chart can be used to help children identify and understand their emotions. Demonstrating how to use the feelings chart at home can show children how to recognize what they’re feeling and why, facilitating emotional insight.
Takeaways
Practice self-care
The best time to introduce regulation skills is outside of emotionally charged moments. When people are dysregulated, their brains are overwhelmed and not prepared to take in new information.
One important takeaway is the significance of practicing self-care. This can be challenging, but it is crucial since emotional regulation is influenced by factors such as quality sleep and proper nutrition.
When introducing regulation skills, it’s most effective to do so outside of emotionally charged moments. During times of dysregulation, the brain is not in a state that can effectively process new information.
Calming the chaos at home involves several factors, including how individuals respond to stimuli and triggers. Raising children to be emotionally regulated starts at home, where they can observe regulation skills, start using them themselves, mimic what they see, and implement those techniques with guidance, and then eventually financially on their own.
Remember that your child is learning just like you are, and that developmentally, it is appropriate for them to have some struggle with that self-regulation.
Parents should give compassion to themselves, as parenting involves balancing numerous factors and challenges. It is easy to fall into self-blame, shame, or doubt. Practicing self-compassion is crucial to maintaining regulation and ensuring that parents can model this behavior effectively.
Resources to Consider
There are tons of options available!
Here are some recommended resources for understanding and supporting emotional regulation in children:
- “A Kid’s Book About Nervous System Regulation“ by Dr. Joy Malik-Hasbrook – This picturesque book is a helpful tool to start conversations with children about nervous system regulation in an engaging and age-appropriate way.
- “Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work“ by Robin Gobel – This book addresses co-regulation, physical regulation, and strategies for parents to stay calm during challenging situations. Gobel’s website also offers free resources on these topics, providing practical guidance for navigating tough parenting moments.
- “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson Ph.D. – This insightful book explores the stages of brain development in children, offering strategies for parents to meet children where they are emotionally and cognitively, fostering their emotional growth and self-regulation skills.
- Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences, University of Washington’s video of their 2014 research on infants using observed social cues to determine their behavior – This intriguing study examines how infants respond to negative social cues. In the study, an infant is playing when an emoter enters the room and expresses disapproval toward the activity.
After the emoter leaves, the infant shifts behavior, prioritizing social cues overplay, likely due to fear of retaliation. This video provides valuable insight into how early children begin to process and adapt to social-emotional dynamics. (Consider searching online for studies on infants and social-emotional behavior to view the video.)
Have you observed whether some children naturally outgrow certain behaviors or emotional outbursts at a specific age without requiring interventions?
Yes and no—it depends. Several factors contribute to whether a child outgrows certain behaviors or outbursts without interventions. Home dynamics, for example, can significantly influence a child’s general level of regulation. Neurodivergence also plays a role; children with ADHD, for instance, often face greater challenges in managing their emotions and may exhibit heightened sensitivity. That said, emotional outbursts are a natural part of development, and as children mature, some of these behaviors may diminish over time. Ultimately, it varies depending on the individual child and their unique circumstances.
How can we effectively implement these concepts with children under special education?
When discussing special education, one might naturally envision a classroom setting—and yes, that is one aspect. However, emotional regulation in the home differs significantly from emotional regulation in the classroom. The work we do with families focuses on building a strong foundation at home, where emotional regulation skills are introduced and practiced most consistently.
This is the space where individuals can learn and refine these skills before applying them in less controlled environments, like schools or workplaces. Ultimately, this approach prepares children—and adults—for real-world scenarios where they must navigate interactions with teachers, bosses, or others beyond their immediate influence.
The hope is that teachers will have an understanding of where children are developmentally and will also have an understanding of where specific children are at with their different needs or things like that.
That’s where we can facilitate open conversation with our schools. If you’re working with a counselor here, we can find a way of connecting with the schools. If we sign an ROI, we can let people know what we’re observing here.
But you can also do that absolutely without a counselor where you advocate for your kid, talk to your teachers, and talk to the school. It really is about education and resources for teachers and also teachers’ regulation. Teachers have to be regulated to help their students feel safe and regulated. And that’s a tricky one because it is a chaotic job, just like being a parent. We want to be regulated all the time, but we can’t always do that.
In terms of regulation at school, (if our teachers are regulated and things like that), if we have a child who’s living in two different households, what is practiced in each household also has a big impact on what our child is able to do. It’s the same thing with sticking to a regimented schedule. If one parent has a bedtime, the other doesn’t, and then it throws off the sleep cycle, and things like that.
It’s the same where if one parent is practicing these regulation skills and the other doesn’t, the kid does absorb those things, and it can make it a little bit harder to maintain regulation. Also, adverse childhood experiences or trauma can have an effect on people’s ability, children’s ability to work on that regulation, but it’s not impossible. It just takes a little bit more time.
About the Facilitator
Rae Morris works with children ages 6 to 18, older adults, and parents, addressing topics such as anxiety, depression, LGBTQIA+ matters, parenting, self-esteem, ADHD, neurodivergence, and more.
Using a person-centered and child-centered play therapy approach, Rae also integrates Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills into sessions. This involves emotional identification, exploring causes and effects, and learning practical skills from various methodologies to apply to daily life.
Rae Morris has extensive experience working with children, adolescents, and parents. At this stage in her career, she feels fortunate to continue supporting and facilitating growth in others while also nurturing her own professional and personal development.
For more information, contact Eddins Counseling Group to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Rae Morris is currently accepting new clients and is part of a team that includes exceptional child therapists as well as couples and family therapists. With a wide range of services available, the group is ready to help—simply call or text to learn more about how they can support you and your family.