Attachment refers the particular way in which you relate to other people. Your style of attachment was formed at the very beginning of your life, during your first two years. Your experience with your primary caregivers formed a template for the way you attach to others. However, your attachment style can change with new attachment experiences. Understanding your style of attachment is helpful because it can help you understand your strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship.
How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Romantic Relationship
Your attachment style influences how you react to your needs and how you go about getting them met. It impacts which partner you select and how your relationship progresses. Often, we set ourselves up by finding partners that confirm our models. If you grew up with an insecure attachment pattern, you may project or seek to duplicate similar patterns of relating as adults, even when these patterns hurt you and are not in your own self-interest.
When there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting both their own and another’s needs. However, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern and a person picks a partner who fits with that maladaptive pattern, they will most likely be choosing someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make them happy.
This brief attachment style quiz will help you understand your own attachment pattern and what implications it might have for your relationships.
Instructions:
When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship - ideally a current or past partner. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary "go to" person if you're sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news. etc.
This questionnaire is designed to be a learning tool. Please comment on any statements that are particularly relevant to you or that you'd like to revisit for exploration with a counselor at a later time. You can print your results and bring them in for discussion.