Romantic Attachment Style Quiz

I feel relaxed with my partner most of the time.

I feel like my partner is always there, but would often prefer to have my own space unless I invite the connection.

When my partner arrives home or approaches me, I feel inexplicably stressed – especially when he or she wants to connect.

I am always yearning for something or someone that I feel I cannot have and rarely feeling satisfied.

When I reach a certain level of intimacy with my partner, I sometimes experience inexplicable fear.

I find it easy to flow between being close and connected with my partner to being on my own.

I find myself minimizing the importance of close relationships in my life.

Sometimes I over-function, over-adapt, over-accommodate others, or over-apologize for things I did not do, in an attempt to stabilize the connection.

When presented with problems, I often feel stumped and feel they are irresolvable.

If my partner and I hit a glitch, it is relatively easy for me to apologize, brainstorm a win-win solution, or repair the misattunement or disharmony.

I insist on self-reliance; I have difficulty reaching out when I need help, and I do many of life's tasks or my hobbies alone.

Over-focusing on others, I tend to lose myself in relationships.

I have an exaggerated startle response when others approach me unexpectedly.

People are essentially good at heart.

I sometimes feel superior in not needing others and wish others were more self-sufficient.

It is difficult for me to say NO, or to set realistic boundaries.

My partner often comments or complains that I am controlling.

It is a priority to keep agreements with my partner.

I chronically second-guess myself and sometimes wish I had said something differently.

I often expect the worst to happen in my relationship.

I attempt to discover and meet the needs of my partner whenever possible and I feel comfortable expressing my own needs.

Sometimes I prefer casual sex instead of a committed relationship.

When I give more than I get, I often resent this and harbor a grudge. It is often difficult to receive love from my partner when they express it.

Protection often feels out of reach. I struggle to feel safe with my partner.

I actively protect my partner from others and from harm and attempt to maintain safety in our relationship.

I usually prefer relationships with things or animals instead of people.

It is difficult for me to be alone. If alone, I feel stressed, abandoned, hurt, and/or angry.

I have a hard time remembering and discussing the feelings related to my past attachment situations. I disconnect, dissociate, or get confused.

I look at my partner with kindness and caring and look forward to our time together.

I often find eye contact uncomfortable and particularly difficult to maintain.

At the same time as I feel a deep wish to be close with my partner, I also have a paralyzing fear of losing the relationship.

Stuck in approach-avoidance patterns with my partner, I want closeness, but am also afraid of the one I desire to be close with.

I am comfortable being affectionate with my partner.

It is easier for me to think things through than to express myself emotionally.

I want to be close with my partner, but feel angry at my partner at the same time. After anxiously awaiting my partner's arrival, I end up picking fights.

My instinctive, active self-protective responses are often unavailable when possible danger is present – leaving me feeling immobilized, disconnected, or "gone".

I can keep secrets, protect my partner's privacy, and respect boundaries.

When I lose a relationship, at first I might experience separation elation and then become depressed.

I often tend to "merge" or lose myself in my partner and feel what they feel, or want what they want.

Because I am easily confused or disoriented, especially when stressed, it is important for my partner to keep arrangements simple and clear.