November 21, 2022

Addressing Insecurities in Relationships

Written by Rachel Eddins

Addressing Insecurities in Relationships

It’s common to have feelings of insecurity in a new or established relationship, but it’s vital to address these feelings with your partner. When you communicate your emotions with your partner, you can work together to untangle these feelings, name them, and find strategies right for your relationship.

lesbian couple sitting on steps addressing their insecurities

How To Address Insecurities in Relationships

Addressing your emotions in a relationship, such as feeling insecure, can help strengthen the bond between you and your partner. Expressing your needs and experiences can help you connect better and increase mutual respect.

1. Put Words to Your Feelings First

Before you approach your partner about your feelings of insecurity, take time to reflect on your emotions. Try journaling or meditating because it may help you find the root of the emotion. For example, you might be experiencing a stressful time at work, which may translate the overflow of emotions into your relationship.

If you’re unsure of the cause for your feelings, that’s okay. You can simply notice how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting your relationship.

2. Select the Right Time to Talk

Selecting the right time to talk about your emotions with your partner is crucial. You want to have your partner’s undivided attention, so it might not be ideal to bring the topic up at a sports event.

Choose a time when you’re alone with your partner in a quiet space. You may choose to do it at your home or shared space with them to offer comforting familiarity to a conversation that might be uncomfortable for you to bring up.

black couple sitting next to each other on couch smiling and talking

3. Approach the Topic in a Relaxed Manner

After you’ve chosen the time to talk about it, think about how you want to approach it. Approaching the topic in a relaxed manner can help put both you and your partner at ease.

For example, if you tell them in the morning before going to work that you want to talk to them later, they may feel anxious all day and come into the conversation with a defensive approach.

You can make it feel more comfortable by framing it in a positive light to improve the relationship and bond because you care about each other.

4. Use “I” Statements

When expressing how you feel, it’s beneficial for both parties to use “I” statements. These statements allow you to share how you’re feeling about an experience without placing all the blame on your partner and accusing them of making you feel this way.

These statements can also allow you to work together on finding a solution rather than making your partner feel like they have to solve it alone. “I” statements can look like this:

  • “I am feeling insecure in this relationship lately.”
  • “I feel like I’m not being cared for in the way I need to be right now.”

gay couple expressing their feelings and using "I" statements

5. Listen to Your Partner’s Response

After sharing how you’re feeling, leave space for your partner’s response. The silence allows your partner to consider what you’ve expressed and how they would like to respond. They may ask follow-up questions about your feelings or express similar feelings of their own.

Listening to their response can allow each of you to feel heard and respected, which sets up a discussion for solutions.

6. Create Actionable Steps to Reduce Your Insecure Feelings

Create an actionable plan to help reduce your insecure feelings in the relationship. This can look like attending couples’ therapy or expressing how you need to be cared for and what you’d like to see less of from your partner.

You may talk about your love languages and how you’d like to incorporate them more mindfully into each day. Actionable steps you can work on daily with your partner allow you to deal with conflicts and emotions healthily.

white straight couple sitting on couch and listening to each other share thoughts

7. Revisit the Topic

Once you’ve developed a plan, schedule a date to revisit the topic.

Re-examining the conversation allows you to determine if your plan worked and what might still require improvement from both parties.

This creates a healthy dialogue founded on respect and a commitment to improving yourselves.

bi racial couple walking and talking outdoors about insecurities in their relationship

How To Receive a Partner’s Insecurities

If your partner is the one to express their insecurities about the relationship to you, understanding how to receive it positively is vital to helping your partner feel heard by you.

1. Listen to What They Have To Say

It’s vital to listen to what they have to say without interrupting them or defending your actions. Both parties’ feelings are valid and deserve uninterrupted time to share them. Notice their body language and tone because it may indicate other feelings they’re having that they aren’t sharing.

2. Offer Your Support

When it’s your turn to talk, offer your support to them. Expressing your needs and emotions can be challenging, and it’s nice to feel validated when you share them. You can offer solutions or ask them if they have any suggestions about your behavior that’s causing them to feel this way.

3. Spend More Quality Time Together

If you’re unable to come up with actionable solutions in one discussion, you can start by spending more quality time together.

Spending more time with your partner offers an opportunity for shared experiences and interests, which you can bond over and strengthen your relationship. It helps improve closeness and may allow both parties to feel safer in the relationship.

4. Address Your Emotions

While it’s necessary to consider your partner’s emotions and help them feel secure, it’s essential to address your feelings.

If you’re finding your partner’s behaviors, actions, and beliefs manipulative, put yourself first. You may express your feelings to them, but if their behavior doesn’t change, consider ending the relationship.

5. Establish Boundaries

Similar to addressing your emotions, it’s beneficial to you and your partner to establish boundaries.

You may find reassuring a partner constantly drains your mental health. You may help them the best you can by assuring you’re committed to them and working on the relationship, but encourage them to seek outside resources to help them improve their self-confidence.

Boundaries help express your care toward your partner because you still want them in your life, but you also need to take care of yourself.

smiling couple texting their therapist office for relationship counseling

Next Steps

Our team at Eddins Counseling Group is here to help. If you’re experiencing these feelings and you’d like further guidance about your particular situation, contact us. We’re committed to ensuring helping you find the resources and guidance to live a healthy lifestyle.

 

Untitled by Joseph Chan is licensed with Unsplash License

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