December 29, 2017

17. My Partner Profile

Written by Rachel Eddins

how well do i know my partner



My Partner Profile: “How well do I really know my partner?”

Who is this person that I’ve been living with? Do I really know this person? Do I know his or her needs, dreams, aspiration, fears and hopes? Or, have I replaced knowledge of my partner with my fixed beliefs and assumptions about “who he or she is”.

Of course there is much that I know but there is also much that I don’t know or, at least, much that I have taken for granted. I have made many assumptions about what my partner thinks, feels and intends in this relationship and about his or her life in general.

The purpose of the following exercise is to expand your knowledge of your partner and discover those areas of your partner’s life and experience that you don’t know and which you have probably assumed.

All of us want to be known, not just on a superficial level but also on the level of our “soul.” There is a saying, To know me is to love me and it is true, you cannot really love anyone that you don’t know. Knowing the deeper levels of your partner’s existence enables you to expand your love, sensitivity and caring.

Quiz: How well do I know my partner?

1. I can name my partner’s three best friends ☐ True ☐ False
2. I know what accomplishments my partner is the most proud of. ☐ True ☐ False
3. I can identify  the happiest time in my partner’s life. ☐ True ☐ False
4. I know what my partner considers to be his or her greatest losses in life. ☐ True ☐ False
5. I can describe what my partner to be his or her greatest area of difficulty in interacting with each of his or her parents. ☐ True ☐ False
6. I know what will probably be playing on the radio when my partner is driving somewhere. ☐ True ☐ False
7. I can name the relatives that my partner would most likely try to avoid at a family reunion. ☐ True ☐ False
8. I can describe the most traumatic event that occurred in my partner’s childhood ☐ True ☐ False
9. My partner has clearly identified for me what he or she want in my life. ☐ True ☐ False
10. I can identify the obstacles that my partner believes are preventing him or her from getting what he or she wants. ☐ True ☐ False
11. I know which of my partner’s physical features he or she is least happy about. ☐ True ☐ False
12. I can recall the very first impressions I had of my partner. ☐ True ☐ False
13. I know what section of the Sunday newspaper my partner is likely to run to first. ☐ True ☐ False
14. I can describe, in some detail, the home environment in which my partner was raised. ☐ True ☐ False
15. I know what makes my partner laugh. ☐ True ☐ False
16. I know what my partner’s parents would probably say is the thing about my partner that they are most proud of. ☐ True ☐ False
17. I can describe two or three decisions my partner made before we met that my partner now regret – and my partner can do the same about me. ☐ True ☐ False
18. I know which part of a restaurant menu my partner is likely to look at first. ☐ True ☐ False
19. I can quote three things my partner says to me that he or she says to no one else in the world. ☐ True ☐ False
20. I am thoroughly familiar with my partner’s religious beliefs. ☐ True ☐ False

Give yourself 1 point for each true answers. Of you scored higher than 10, it’s fair to say that you’ve developed a pretty accurate picture of your partner.

For more help, seek out couples therapy here. 

Go to the next journaling exercise: Five Tough Questions

*Journaling exercises written by Cort Curtis, Ph.D, used with permission.

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