December 29, 2017
17. My Partner Profile
Written by Rachel Eddins
My Partner Profile: “How well do I really know my partner?”
Who is this person that I’ve been living with? Do I really know this person? Do I know his or her needs, dreams, aspiration, fears and hopes? Or, have I replaced knowledge of my partner with my fixed beliefs and assumptions about “who he or she is”.
Of course there is much that I know but there is also much that I don’t know or, at least, much that I have taken for granted. I have made many assumptions about what my partner thinks, feels and intends in this relationship and about his or her life in general.
The purpose of the following exercise is to expand your knowledge of your partner and discover those areas of your partner’s life and experience that you don’t know and which you have probably assumed.
All of us want to be known, not just on a superficial level but also on the level of our “soul.” There is a saying, “To know me is to love me“ and it is true, you cannot really love anyone that you don’t know. Knowing the deeper levels of your partner’s existence enables you to expand your love, sensitivity and caring.
Quiz: How well do I know my partner?
|1. I can name my partner’s three best friends||☐ True||☐ False|
|2. I know what accomplishments my partner is the most proud of.||☐ True||☐ False|
|3. I can identify the happiest time in my partner’s life.||☐ True||☐ False|
|4. I know what my partner considers to be his or her greatest losses in life.||☐ True||☐ False|
|5. I can describe what my partner to be his or her greatest area of difficulty in interacting with each of his or her parents.||☐ True||☐ False|
|6. I know what will probably be playing on the radio when my partner is driving somewhere.||☐ True||☐ False|
|7. I can name the relatives that my partner would most likely try to avoid at a family reunion.||☐ True||☐ False|
|8. I can describe the most traumatic event that occurred in my partner’s childhood||☐ True||☐ False|
|9. My partner has clearly identified for me what he or she want in my life.||☐ True||☐ False|
|10. I can identify the obstacles that my partner believes are preventing him or her from getting what he or she wants.||☐ True||☐ False|
|11. I know which of my partner’s physical features he or she is least happy about.||☐ True||☐ False|
|12. I can recall the very first impressions I had of my partner.||☐ True||☐ False|
|13. I know what section of the Sunday newspaper my partner is likely to run to first.||☐ True||☐ False|
|14. I can describe, in some detail, the home environment in which my partner was raised.||☐ True||☐ False|
|15. I know what makes my partner laugh.||☐ True||☐ False|
|16. I know what my partner’s parents would probably say is the thing about my partner that they are most proud of.||☐ True||☐ False|
|17. I can describe two or three decisions my partner made before we met that my partner now regret – and my partner can do the same about me.||☐ True||☐ False|
|18. I know which part of a restaurant menu my partner is likely to look at first.||☐ True||☐ False|
|19. I can quote three things my partner says to me that he or she says to no one else in the world.||☐ True||☐ False|
|20. I am thoroughly familiar with my partner’s religious beliefs.||☐ True||☐ False|
Give yourself 1 point for each true answers. Of you scored higher than 10, it’s fair to say that you’ve developed a pretty accurate picture of your partner.
For more help, seek out couples therapy here.
Go to the next journaling exercise: Five Tough Questions
*Journaling exercises written by Cort Curtis, Ph.D, used with permission.
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