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Is Infidelity The End of Your Marriage?

infidelity in marriage

Is infidelity in marriage the end of your relationship?

Is infidelity in marriage the end of your relationship? The answer is an infuriating “maybe.”

Maybe you can summon the grace to get over the betrayal. Maybe your partner is capable of taking responsibility and committing to a change. Or maybe your partner isn’t interested in changing anything and maybe you are too angry to even consider forgiving and moving on.

The future of your marriage is really up to you and your partner. It’s not a decision to be made in the heat of an argument though, but something to consider with clear heads and over as long a time as it takes for you both to be sure what you want to do.

If it’s a comfort, you are not alone in your situation; it’s estimated that infidelity in marriage occurs at least once in 40 percent of marriages in this country in the course of the marriage. Of that number half decide on divorce and half stay together.

Whichever half you end up in, you will have a journey to make before you can determine the path that is right for you. Given the emotional turmoil you are both in, it’s wise to find a therapist skilled in couples counseling to provide a knowledgeable and unbiased perspective. A therapist in Houston can also guide you through the anger, hurt and shock to a place of healing.

There are many issues you will need to explore.

Your feelings. If you are the one who strayed, you need to consider if you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions and if you are willing to do what it takes to regain your partner’s trust. That doesn’t mean rolling over for unreasonable demands, but being willing to listen to your partner’s hurt and anger and consider what you need to change. You may also need to explore the emotions, needs and triggers that led you to stray in the first place so that you and your partner can discuss these and determine if and how those needs can be met in your relationship.

If you are the one cheated on, you’ll need to identify what you need from your partner at this point to feel safe again and rebuild trust in your relationship. A marriage counselor can help you sort through what is reasonable and unreasonable and help you and your partner establish guidelines for building trust.

What is your relationship attachment style? Take this quiz and find out.

You also need to consider what part you played in the crisis in your relationship. It may feel unfair that you are expected to move beyond the role of victim, but chances are there was something going wrong with your relationship before the cheating began. What was your role and what can you do now to improve the relationship?

Your children. If you have kids, you and your partner, with the help of your therapist, must consider whether and how to let them know what’s going on. The infidelity has already harmed them in the sense that they have lost the attention of one of their parents. What you have to decide is how to communicate with your family to rebuild safety and trust and most importantly to let them know that you care and want to be more present in their lives.

Your lifestyle. If you decide to split, there will be major lifestyle changes. You’ll have to establish two homes, with all the costs and upheaval that can cause to you and your children. Your income won’t stretch as far. Your friends will have to struggle with choosing between you.

If your decision is to make your marriage work, you will likely have other lifestyle issues to negotiate – how much time can your spouse spend away from home without arousing suspicion, how can the two of you find time together to renew your romance, how long is long enough to be sure your relationship is worth fighting for?

Your future. You are both in control of where you go from here. If you choose to stay together, you need to create a new relationship, one that is stronger and more honest than you’ve had. This can be a joyful time in your marriage if you can both get on the same path. Even if you decide to split, your life apart will be easier if you can work together on the issues involved in a divorce. Your next relationship will benefit, too, from what you learn from each other during this difficult period.

Relationships can recover from infidelity in marriage

The truth is if you are both willing to explore your feelings, needs and role in your relationship you can recover from infidelity in marriage. It takes commitment and effort on both of your parts, open and honest communication and rebuilding safety and trust. A marriage counselor, couples counselor, or relationship counselor can help you have these conversations in a safe way, while helping you through the recovery process step by step. Even if your partner is unwilling to come to marriage counseling, individual therapy can be an important way for you to process your feelings and determine what you need after an affair.

If your relationship has recently suffered from infidelity. To start working on increasing the connection in your relationship. Houston relationship counseling can help you find the intimacy and connection you desire. To get started now give us a call to schedule an appointment at 832-559-2622 or schedule an appointment online.

Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP on Twitter
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP
Rachel’s passion is to help people discover their personal gifts and strengths to achieve self-acceptance, create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body, and find meaning and fulfillment in work and life roles. She helps people create nurturance and healing from within to restore balance and enoughness and overcome binge eating, emotional eating, anxiety, depression and lack of career fulfillment.

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