Increase Connection & Ways You Can Get Your Spouse to Open Up

On one hand, there are the many expectations we have about marriage. On the other hand, there’s reality. In the early days of most relationships, it can feel like smooth sailing. We’re on the same wavelength and feel as if we could stay up all night talking. We may even finish each other’s sentence. But what we may not realize is that there will be times when things feel different. There will be times when we need to increase connection.

Why Do We Lose Our Connection?

Use these tips to help increase connection in your relationship.There are as many different answers to this question as there are different couples. However, of course, there are common threads. To follow are some universal trends among spouses who need to increase connection.

Loss of Intimacy/Physical Attraction

The frenzied lust of early attraction is a gift that can become a trap. Our intimate lives evolve as we do. Without steady communication, this reality may appear as an obstacle.

Too Much Tech Time Instead of “Us” Time

These days, we can sit together on the couch but feel like we’re on different planets. In order to increase connection, we must engage with each other is fresh, new ways.

Unspoken Anger or Resentment

Living together in close quarters will stir many emotions. Too often, we may suppress some of these feelings. At first, this can seem like a wise decision. Over time, however, it’s a recipe for simmering anger and dangerous resentment.

Crossed Boundaries/Merged Identities

Couples frequently refer to themselves as “we.” This is romantic and sometimes accurate. This merging of identities can also represent too many boundaries being crossed. All relationships require compromise. Losing your individuality should not be one of them.

What is your romantic attachment style? Take our quiz to find out.

4 Things You Can Do to Help Your Spouse Open Up & Increase Connection

1. Communicate Clearly, Honestly, and Often

This can sound obvious. To increase connection, just connect more. But communication is an art form and it requires your full attention. Leave nothing to chance. Set aside regular time to communicate. Create a safe space in which you can both speak frankly.

2. Practice Gratitude

Even during times of strife, you have plenty to be thankful for. Appreciate each other regardless of the current situation. Gratitude is an excellent guide for rebuilding a connection.

3. Reconnect to the Origins of Your Connection

More than nostalgia, this is more like a rekindling. What you experienced in the early days of your relationship helped shape your connection. Returning to your roots, so to speak, will re-ignite many of the emotions you felt at the time. Remind yourselves of the passion that first brought you together.

4. Be Patient

Don’t put a deadline on reinvention. Healthy relationships never stop changing. The process of change can be confusing — especially without a strong dose of patience. Your marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourselves.

Increase Connection by Asking For Help — Together

In the beginning, it might seem that the last thing you need as a couple is professional help. Falling in love can have a magical vibe but staying connected requires actual work. The work that must be done is not something we learn in school. We usually don’t learn it from family or friends either. So, where does a couple turns when the goal is to increase connection?

The increasingly popular and proven answer is “couples counseling.” Setting aside together time, once a week, is the first sign that you both want to grow. Your therapist will serve as a guide, a mediator, and a strategist. Grievances and concerns are aired. Ideas are shared. A reconnection is built. No one said you have to figure it all out on your own. So please ask for help. We’re here for you. At Eddins Counseling Group in Houston, TX we have many qualified therapists that specialize in couples and marriage counseling. Call us at 832-559-2622 or book an appointment online.

Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP on Twitter
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP
Rachel’s passion is to help people discover their personal gifts and strengths to achieve self-acceptance, create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body, and find meaning and fulfillment in work and life roles. She helps people create nurturance and healing from within to restore balance and enoughness and overcome binge eating, emotional eating, anxiety, depression and lack of career fulfillment.

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