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Why Money is One of the Top 10 Reasons Couples Fight & How You Can Stop It

two-rams-fightingMoney is power.

Money is also one of the top 10 reasons why couples fight.

Often, it’s a problem with communication that lies at the base of these fights. If you cannot resolve this issue yourself, you may want to go so far as consider marriage counseling. It is that serious! Never underestimate the ability of money to wreck your marriage, and even lead to divorce.

Of course, the reasons couples fight over money are diverse. You’re individuals that don’t always share the same views of things. But fighting over money is never healthy for a marriage.

Why Money Is One of the Biggest Reasons Couples Fight

 

Emotions often play a big factor in the fights.

It’s not so much that you argue over numbers – over the math – it’s what the money means to each of you emotionally. And when emotions are involved in any fight, boundaries get blurry and arguments get irrational.

So, what are the main reasons couples fight about money?

Consider some:

  • You don’t make enough money to cover your expenses. This may well be the biggest reason for fights about money. When you don’t have enough income, bills often don’t get paid on time.
  • You lie about financial matters. Almost one-thirds of couples keep secrets about finances. Either you don’t disclose how large your debt is before marriage or you “forget” to tell your partner about purchases you’re currently making.
  • You have different personalities, views of money, or financial objectives. Almost three-fourths of married couples are made up of one spender and one saver. Perhaps you’re undecided between buying that big house in Houston or the condo in San Diego. Whereas your partner would rather just save up for retirement.
  • One of you earns more money than the other. Your money. My money. Disagreements often happen because the partner earning less is spending more than they earned.

What is your relationship attachment style? Take this quiz and find out.

How You Can Stop Fighting Over Money

 

As mentioned from the outset, marriage counseling may be an option to help you sort out differences when you just can’t seem to agree. But you may want to give the following four tips a try before involving a professional.

1. Find common ground and learn to compromise.

Figure out who is the spender and who is the saver in the family. To stop fighting over money, you both need to make sacrifices to meet in the middle. Think about what adjustments you could make to reach a compromise.

2. Set a budget and stick to it.

A budget can help you pay your bills on time. You can also adjust it to fit your needs each balancing-moneymonth. Stick to spending only money you have, not “money” in the form of credit. And consider setting an approval limit for purchases made with shared money by one of you alone.

3. Give each other some financial freedom.

Having personal spending money that you can use as you please is important. Agree on how much you’ll both set aside for yourselves. Either a fixed monthly allowance or a percentage of your income may work best. Then, set it aside in cash or separate personal accounts. Make sure you come up with an agreement that works best for both of you.

4. Communicate regularly about money.

Discussion of all the aforementioned financial points on a monthly basis is the best way to continue avoiding money fights. Talk about your budget, your financial goals, and your needs and wants. Be certain you have specific goals in mind for the discussion, separating each issue and staying on topic.

Through it all, remember: you want to come up with solutions. So agree to disagree and respect each others’ opinions.

For more tips on how to improve your marriage, click here or contact a counselor at Eddins Counseling Group. To get started now give us a call to schedule an appointment at 832-559-2622 or schedule an appointment online.

Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP on Twitter
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP
Rachel’s passion is to help people discover their personal gifts and strengths to achieve self-acceptance, create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body, and find meaning and fulfillment in work and life roles. She helps people create nurturance and healing from within to restore balance and enoughness and overcome binge eating, emotional eating, anxiety, depression and lack of career fulfillment.

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