August 16, 2017
There’s Always Hope: Take These Steps to Fix Your Broken Marriage
Written by Rachel Eddins
You and your spouse are fighting all the time. It’s hard to remember what you ever loved about them. You feel frustrated, hopeless, and angry. Your broken marriage has brought you to such a point of desperation that you wonder if divorce is the only way out. Take heart and have hope, because it’s not too late. Let couples therapy help you put your broken marriage back together.
Really Talk to Each Other
Remember what it was like when you were first married and you wanted to know everything you could about your spouse’s innermost thoughts? It may have been a while since you had those kinds of conversations. Now is the time to reach out and communicate that way again.
One of the first crucial goals of couples’ therapy is to learn how to communicate in a healthy way that your spouse can understand. We all have different filters that color the words we hear, and we may use destructive words when we’re upset. It’s time to get honest. If that sounds scary, the counselor’s office can be a safe place.
Put Some Action Behind Your Words
Talk without action may not be enough to save your marriage. Particularly when your relationship has suffered from infidelity or other deep rifts, talk can seem cheap. Back up your intention to save your marriage with concrete actions. Spend time with your spouse, pursuing their interests even if the activity isn’t your personal favorite.
Maybe your spouse is a big sports fan and would love a day at a Houston Astros baseball game. Or your spouse loves the excitement of bustling, thriving neighborhoods, and would love to have dinner in Montrose. Love is not just words, but sacrifice. Think of different ways you can express your desire to sacrifice for your spouse.
What is your relationship attachment style? Take this quiz and find out.
Establish Common Ground
You and your spouse need to talk through where you stand on the issues in your broken marriage. Do you both agree on the biggest problems? If you think the biggest issue is your lack of unity on parenting or financial matters, but your spouse thinks you aren’t having enough sex, those all need to be addressed. Even worse, maybe one of you believes your marriage is doomed, while the other thinks everything is fine. (Believe it or not, it happens!) You both need to lay all your cards on the table.
Resolve to Fight Fair
Having a marriage in which you never fight may sound good, but it’s not realistic. It’s not even a good goal since facing and resolving disagreements can bring you closer together. But you owe it to yourself and your spouse to agree to fight fair. That means no bringing up the time he lost a job five years ago or the way she tells her annoying family too much. Keep your arguments focused on facts based in the present or very recent past.
Similarly, if you’ve already decided that you’re committed to working to fix your broken marriage no matter what, resolve not to bring up the “D” word (divorce). Threatening divorce—even if your marriage feels really hopeless in that moment—introduces an element of doubt and instability into your marriage. If you’re really determined not to get divorced, don’t let yourself even go there.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Modern society is lonelier than ever. All across Houston and the suburbs, thousands of families are struggling with all types of issues. From financial worries to out-of-control teens to broken marriages, everyone feels like they’re going through their problems alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Talk to your friends and family. Be honest that you’re going through a hard time. Obviously, you want to choose the right audience and the appropriate amount of detail to share, but pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t, only hurts you. Making an appointment for couples’ therapy can be one of your first steps toward reaching out. Give us a call to schedule an appointment at 832-559-2622 or schedule an appointment online.
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