September 9, 2019

6 Signs Your Unfaithful Partner is Really Ready to Recommit

Written by Rachel Eddins

unfaithful partner

Trust is hard to earn yet so easy to lose. In the case of infidelity, trust can be shattered in a heartbeat. This situation has doomed many a relationship. Conversely, it is most definitely not an automatic death knell. Tears will be shed. Angry words will be yelled. Ultimatums, threats, and doubts will run rampant. But, the record show, couples can and often do rebound from a betrayal of trust. The foundational need: An unfaithful partner who is really ready to recommit.

A Few Unfaithful Partner Red Flags

  • Trying to gain forgiveness too quickly: Forgiveness is earned and, by definition, takes time. The betrayed spouse should always be in control of this process.
  • Using intimacy as a weapon: Promising or withholding sex is never a functional choice. Be wary of either and get comfortable with less intimacy until questions are effectively answered.
  • “Taking space”: Space was sort of the problem, right? If an unfaithful partner steps away from the process, you have every right to feel suspicious.
  • Semantics: It’s not about whether the transgression was an “affair,” a “fling,” a “mistake” (duh), or whatever other term being used these days. This is a common deflection ploy and cannot be tolerated.

6 Signs Your Unfaithful Partner is Really Ready to Recommit

1. He Has Taken Responsibility For His Actions

A common first reaction could involve excuses, deflections, and denials. At some point, however, the cheater must step up and himself accountable. Initially, it won’t ease the pain. Once a little time has passed, this stepping up will be seen as a giant step towards potential reconciliation.

2. She Has Provided a Sincere Apology

There is a boatload of hurt to acknowledge. It is far more than symbolic for your partner to authentically apologize for their behavior. Such an apology involves:

  • Taking responsibility
  • Showing remorse
  • Promising to change
  • Doing the work to make certain it never happens again

3. He Has NOT Deflected Blame or Focus

“You made me do it!” is unfair, untrue, and immature. He cheated because he chose to cheat. Every relationship has issues — oftentimes, difficult issues — but this does not excuse any type of deception, abuse, or exploitation. The cheater is to blame and he must resist every single instinct to deflect focus from this basic reality.

4. She Has Agreed to Couples Counseling

This will be fleshed out below, but it cannot be understated. Healing will require some mediation. Your unfaithful partner should be embracing this gift.

5. He Has Committed to Transparency

Things have to change — especially here in the digital age. It has become so much easier to maintain secret connections. Both partners should welcome full transparency, e.g. sharing passwords, regular check-ins, etc. In a delicate situation, it is crucial to eliminate as many pitfalls as possible. Open up and stay open.

6. She Has Cut Off All Contact With the Other Person

This sounds obvious but must not be overlooked. Any and all contact is off-limits. If, for example, the infidelity was work-based, it’s not absurd to consider changing jobs (if feasible). It’s do or die for your relationship. Does it matter more to you than your job?

Read more: How to Recover from an Affair

Let’s Flesh Out #4

There are so many factors to consider. Here are just four huge examples:

  • Children, other family members, close friends
  • Return to intimacy
  • Setting new boundaries
  • Moving on from the past

Unfaithful partner ready to recommitIn a state of turmoil, any couple would need help in navigating these and other challenges. Couples counseling is where this difficult process begins and ultimately, evolves. Timetables will be established. New parameters will be set. Perhaps you’ll create a ritual to put the past in the past. No matter what, recommitment will require some help. Eddins Counseling Group, in Houston, TX has many experienced couples counselors that can help rebuild your relationship. Give us a call at 832-559-2622 or book an appointment online.

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