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Improve Your Relationship Through Affirmation

Relationship counselingMost of us are good at noticing when someone steps on our toes, but we are unaware of how often they go out of their way to avoid doing so.

 

It is common for us humans to notice the negative, whether in our own minds (paying attention to what you did wrong vs. what you did right) as well as with our partners (he/she never vs. he/she considers me by…).

 

Letting others know when we like what they do is a way of acknowledging behavior, as well as teaching them our preferences.

 

This exercise will help you develop your ability to be aware of your partner’s efforts. John Gottman, a reknown researcher on what makes relationships work, states that fondness and admiration for your partner is a key skill for a healthy relationship.

What is your relationship attachment style? Take this quiz and find out.

At least once (or more) per day make a note of something your partner does that helps your relationship. When possible, find an appropriate way to let your partner know that you appreciate the effort. Watch for times when you felt cared about, helped, or understood and try to identify specific things that led you to feel that way. (Hint: You can also catch yourself doing something right and silently give yourself credit. Notice when you are being flexible, compassionate, and understanding.)

 

For example, “I really appreciate you cleaning up the dishes tonight”, or “Thank you for texting me this morning to wish me a good day at work”, or “I like it when you consider what I would like to do over the weekend and make plans with me.”

 

1. What did you acknowledge or give your partner credit for?

 

2. How did your partner respond?

 

Relationship counseling can provide you additional assistance with improving your relationship and fostering a deeper connection with your partner.

 

Looking for relationship counseling?

Whether you are single or currently in a relationship, relationship counseling can help you find the intimacy and connection you desire. Contact one of our relationship counselors in Houston to find out more or read more about our marriage counseling services. To get started now give us a call to schedule an appointment at 832-559-2622 or schedule an appointment online.

 

Relationship Resources

The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples provides an opportunity for you and your spouse to benefit from learning the basics of strong, connected marriages, no matter how long you’ve been married. If marriage disconnection is an issue for you, this can be a helpful tool to get you back on track together. This can be a great resource to bring in with you to couples therapy. Click here to view more details.

 

The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples is designed to help you embark on marriage with a strong relationship skill set. We encourage you to strengthen your relationship foundation BEFORE you tie the knot – to pack your toolbox for the inherent ups and downs of life. This can provide insight for discussion in premarital counseling. Click here to view more details.

 

Recommended Reading:

relationship counselingTen Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America’s Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship 

What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track.

 

relationship counselingSeven Principles for Making Marriage Work

John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life’s work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.

 

 

relationship counselingThe Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones.

relationship counselingWhy Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last

Psychologist John Gottman has spent 20 years studying what makes a marriage last. Now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen, and maintain your own long-term relationship. This breakthrough book guides you through a series of self-tests designed to help you determine what kind of marriage you have, where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what specific actions you can take to help your marriage.

relationship counselingHold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world.

 

Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP on Twitter
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP
Rachel’s passion is to help people discover their personal gifts and strengths to achieve self-acceptance, create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body, and find meaning and fulfillment in work and life roles. She helps people create nurturance and healing from within to restore balance and enoughness and overcome binge eating, emotional eating, anxiety, depression and lack of career fulfillment.

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