Webinar: The Art of Self-love: How To Foster a Relationship with Yourself

Are You Ready to Embrace the Power of Self-Love and Compassion?
Building a positive relationship with yourself is key to living a fulfilling and authentic life. Yet, many of us struggle with self-doubt, criticism, and the pressures of meeting external expectations. If you’ve found it difficult to practice self-compassion or prioritize your own well-being, you’re not alone.

But there’s a way forward.
Our upcoming February 13th webinar, “The Art of Self-Love: How to Foster a Relationship with Yourself,” is here to help you cultivate a deeper sense of self-acceptance and love. Facilitated by Brittnie Grono, a licensed therapist, this session is designed for anyone looking to improve their relationship with themselves, practice self-care, and build a foundation of inner strength.

Why This Webinar Is for You

Self-love isn’t always something that comes naturally. We often learn to be critical of ourselves or feel unworthy of our own care and attention. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to neglect our own needs while focusing on others. This webinar will guide you in overcoming these challenges and building a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself.

What You’ll Learn

During this insightful session, Brittnie Grono will cover:

• The Power of Self-Love: Understanding why loving yourself is the foundation of personal growth and happiness.
• Overcoming Negative Self-Talk: Practical strategies to silence the inner critic and replace self-judgment with kindness.
• Building Healthy Boundaries: How setting boundaries with others is an act of self-respect and vital for nurturing your well-being.
• Self-Care Practices: Techniques for integrating self-care into your daily routine, fostering long-term emotional health.
• Embracing Imperfection: How to accept your flaws and embrace your authentic self, freeing yourself from the need to be “perfect.”

Meet Your Guide: Brittnie Grono

Brittnie Grono is a compassionate therapist dedicated to helping individuals cultivate self-love and emotional resilience. With a deep commitment to empowering others to live authentically, Brittnie brings both expertise and empathy to her work, providing practical tools for lasting transformation.

Take the First Step Toward Self-Love

Imagine living with greater self-compassion, letting go of self-doubt, and nurturing your emotional well-being every day. It all starts with building a loving relationship with yourself — and we’re here to help you get there.

Watch a replay of the presentation here.

The webinar, The Art of Self-Love: How to Foster a Relationship with Yourself, is facilitated by Brittany Growno. As part of the Focus on Wellness series, this session explores the art of self-love and ways to cultivate a stronger relationship with oneself. Let’s dive in.

These monthly webinars are held every month, with a different clinician from the practice presenting and sharing their insights on a topic believed to be beneficial for the community. Often, the topics are aligned with the areas of focus or expertise of the individual counselors, reflecting the work they do with their clients. This is an opportunity to share their passion and expertise with the community.

About the Facilitator

Brittany Grono is an LPC Associate, working under the supervision of Diana Cappabera-Steward, a supervising clinician at the practice.

As a fairly new clinician in her pre-licensing phase, Brittany officially began her work over the summer. She employs a person-centered approach in her sessions, integrating a variety of coping skills to support her clients. Brittany frequently uses Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) to help clients manage emotional dysregulation, enhance distress tolerance, cultivate mindfulness, and improve interpersonal relationships. She also incorporates other therapeutic modalities, emphasizing the importance of meeting clients where they are and tailoring her approach to suit their individual needs.

Authenticity plays a central role in her practice, as she strives to create a safe and welcoming space for both her clients and herself. Brittany believes that self-love is integral to being one’s authentic self, which is why this topic resonates so deeply with her. 

Objectives

Learning how to build a relationship with yourself

• Self-Awareness
• Self-Compassion
• Self-Acceptance
• Boundaries
• How to put it into practice

During this session, she will focus on how to build a relationship with oneself, helping participants explore this vital aspect of personal growth.

The focus will be on strategies to build self-awareness, increase self-compassion, and learn how to embrace self-acceptance. Additionally, the session will cover understanding boundaries and how to effectively implement them. Finally, participants will explore ways to put everything into practice and incorporate these strategies into their daily lives.

What is Self-Love?

Before we dive into strategies, we should first talk about what is self-love. We probably hear it all over Instagram and social media about, “Oh, love yourself”. But we don’t really get a lot of substance beyond that. 

“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love means having high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.” – Jeffrey Borenstein, President of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.

Self-love is a journey, and when practiced, it allows individuals to move toward healthier relationships, a healthier version of themselves, and improved mental health. It positively impacts all areas of life.

The Benefits of Self-Love

• Increase self-esteem
• Improved interpersonal relationships
• Resiliency towards anxiety/depression
• Assertiveness
• Better emotional regulation
• Pursuit of personal interests & goals
• Increased motivation
• Health boundaries

Here are some of the benefits of self-love. Scientific evidence suggests that practicing self-love has a positive impact on mental health, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction.

The benefits include increased self-esteem, improved interpersonal relationships, and greater resiliency against anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. It can also foster assertiveness, which is not about aggression but rather about being firm and understanding. 

This is where boundaries come into play. Self-love also supports better emotional regulation, the pursuit of personal goals and interests, and increased motivation while helping to establish healthier boundaries.

Barriers to Self-Love

And the impact of not loving ourselves

Barriers

• Societal Messaging
• Perfectionism
• Self-Sacrificing Behavior
• Fear of Judgement
• Internalized Negativity
• Shame

Let’s look at the barriers to self-love. What makes accessing this part of ourselves so challenging? Then on the flip side of that, how does not having self-love impact us on a daily basis? 

Societal Messaging

One of the barriers that make accessing self-love a little bit more challenging is societal messaging. We hear a lot about how to have healthy relationships with others, but we aren’t often taught how to have a healthy relationship with ourselves. 

Individuals are often taught that caring for themselves and prioritizing their own needs can be perceived as selfish, which can make them feel uneasy. No one wants to be seen as selfish, and this societal messaging can lead people to sacrifice their own needs in favor of meeting external expectations.

Perfectionism

For those who struggle with perfectionism, it can be difficult to practice self-compassion and care, especially when constantly trying to meet high expectations or unrealistic goals. This often leads to being highly critical of oneself and pushing oneself to the limit. 

Self-sacrificing Behavior

Self-sacrificing behavior, which includes people-pleasing, refers to the tendency to constantly prioritize the needs of others over one’s own. This often leads to neglecting what the body, mind, and spirit truly need in those moments. 

Fear of Judgment

Fear of judgment often arises when individuals begin prioritizing themselves and caring for their own needs. They may wonder how others will react, whether people will view them differently, and how this change will impact their relationships. These concerns are valid. 

Internalizing Negativity

Additionally, internalizing negativity can be a significant barrier. Our inner thoughts can often be harsh, and the saying “we are our own worst critic” holds true. When individuals attempt to embrace self-love and self-care, negative thoughts may arise, telling them they shouldn’t focus on themselves.

Shame

There can also be a lot of shame involved. Individuals may feel that they don’t deserve to care for themselves or prioritize their own well-being. Guilt may also arise, and there may be parts of themselves that they haven’t fully forgiven, creating a roadblock that prevents them from moving forward in their journey toward self-love and self-care.

Negative Impacts

• Self-Criticism
• People Pleasing
• May tolerate mistreatment from others
• Disregarding one’s own needs

The negative impacts of not practicing self-care and self-love, or failing to establish a relationship with oneself, can include increased self-criticism and negativity. People may develop stronger people-pleasing tendencies and may begin to tolerate mistreatment from others or neglect their own needs. This often stems from feelings of shame or internalized negativity. Additionally, individuals may disregard their own needs in favor of self-sacrificing behaviors. 

These patterns are deeply intertwined, creating a cycle that can be difficult to break. Some of the barriers that prevent us from accessing this healthier part of ourselves also contribute to the negative impacts and vice versa. 

The focus of today’s session is on how to break through those barriers and get out of the cycle, enabling individuals to begin building a healthier relationship with themselves.

Strategies

How to put it into practice

Now, the session will dive into strategies, starting with building self-awareness. Many of these concepts may already be familiar, but the goal is to explore them more deeply and thoroughly.

Building Self-Awareness

• Self-reflections
• Body scan/Check-in
• Curiosity
• Mindfulness

There are genuine action steps that individuals can take to build a healthier relationship with themselves. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand one’s own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

One of the first steps in this process is self-reflection. Self-reflection involves spending time with oneself, similar to how one would spend time with a good friend, family member, or loved one. The more quality time and deeper connection one has with another person, the more vulnerability is shared, which helps to strengthen the relationship. 

This same approach can be applied to building self-awareness. Just as spending quality time and being vulnerable with others strengthens relationships, self-reflection helps foster a healthier relationship with oneself. Self-reflection can take many forms, such as journaling or checking in with oneself. The key is to set aside intentional time to be with oneself and ask those hard questions: What am I noticing right now? What’s coming up for me? What are my needs, and how do I show up for myself? The way one shows up for others can be a guide for how to implement that same care and attention for oneself.

Building self-awareness can be challenging at first. A great method often used with clients to help them begin checking in with themselves is incorporating DBT mindfulness skills, particularly the “what” and “how” skills. These skills focus on observing and describing without judgment, as well as participating fully in the present experience. 

Exercise

One practical application of this is performing a body scan or check-in to cultivate mindfulness.

Although the facilitator can’t see everyone, if participants would like to engage, they’re invited to take part in a quick exercise. First, they should get comfortable and relax. Closing their eyes and leaning into the experience is encouraged, but not required. The goal is to observe without judgment, treating the process like a scientific or detective investigation.

Participants are guided to start with physical sensations. As they scan their bodies, they should notice what arises—whether it’s the heart rate, temperature, or sensations like tightness, coldness in the fingertips, or discomfort in the lower back. Observing these sensations without judgment might sound like, “I notice coldness in my fingertips” or “My heart is elevated.”

Next, the focus shifts to emotions. What emotions are surfacing? If there’s anger, for example, participants are invited to explore what might lie underneath it. Is it frustration, feeling unheard, misunderstood, or wronged? Acknowledging emotions without judgment might sound like, “I notice anger is coming up for me right now,” or a more playful approach: “Hey, anger, I notice you’re showing up right now.”

Finally, participants check in with their thoughts. Thoughts can sometimes carry criticism, so noticing them without judgment might sound like, “I notice criticism is showing up right now,” or “I’m thinking about all the things I need to do for work.” The facilitator encourages labeling these internal experiences as they arise, helping build self-awareness of both the body and mind, which is an essential step toward moving forward in the process of self-care and self-awareness.

Sometimes, the simplest steps are the ones that help individuals move forward and reach their goals.

The next key strategy is curiosity. This involves asking oneself thoughtful questions like, “What need is coming up for me right now?” “Why is this emotion here?” or “What is this emotion trying to communicate to me?”

One of the most effective antidotes to self-criticism is curiosity. When individuals notice the critical voice creeping in—such as the thought, “Oh, I shouldn’t have done that”—they can counter it by asking themselves questions instead. By shifting to a mindset of curiosity, they create space to explore their emotions, needs, and thoughts without judgment. This approach fosters self-compassion and encourages a deeper understanding of themselves.

Asking oneself, “Why do I feel that way? Why am I thinking that? Where is this coming from?” and meeting these questions with curiosity can lead to deeper understanding and uncover more profound insights.

The last concept is mindfulness. While everything discussed so far can be considered mindfulness, it’s important to recognize that mindfulness encompasses much more than common generalizations, such as yoga, meditation, and sound baths—though these are certainly valuable practices. 

Mindfulness is ultimately anything that helps an individual stay present in the moment and focus all their energy on one task.

For those working with teens or individuals who are more neurodivergent, mindfulness can sometimes be a significant barrier. However, mindfulness can also be fun and challenging. It can take many forms, such as crafting, creating, singing, dancing, or doing something artistic. It can also look like playing a game. A good example is a scavenger hunt. When fully engaged in a scavenger hunt, a person is likely focused entirely on the activity, effortlessly accessing the present moment.

For those who feel stuck on mindfulness because it seems like a chore, it may be helpful to shift the perspective. Instead of viewing mindfulness as an obligation, consider how it can be transformed into something more enjoyable and engaging.

Building Self-Compassion

• Self-Validation
• Dialectical thinking 
• Challenging the inner critic
• Accumulation of positives

Self-compassion involves practicing understanding and kindness toward oneself. A common challenge people face when discussing self-compassion is the vague advice to simply “be kind to yourself,” often without guidance on how to actually implement it. Rather than just encouraging self-compassion, it is essential to explore practical skills that make it a tangible practice. 

Self-validation

One of the most crucial aspects of self-compassion is self-validation, which is often misunderstood. Validation does not necessarily mean agreement. It is possible to acknowledge emotions without endorsing an experience or a particular action. For instance, after making a mistake, thoughts such as I can’t believe I did that or I shouldn’t have done that may arise, accompanied by feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or remorse. 

Self-validation allows for recognizing those emotions—acknowledging that guilt and embarrassment are natural responses—without justifying the mistake itself. There is a balance between accepting emotions and holding oneself accountable. One can acknowledge, It makes sense that I feel guilty and embarrassed while also recognizing that I made a mistake and I can move forward from it. 

A common misconception is that validating emotions equates to condoning behaviors that one does not wish to reinforce, but this is not the case. Genuine self-compassion and validation provide the foundation for growth, allowing for reflection and a shift in perspective rather than self-criticism. However, self-validation is a skill that requires practice and patience.

Dialectical Thinking 

One effective tool for self-validation is dialectical thinking, a fundamental DBT skill that is both universal and practical. Dialectical thinking is based on the idea that two opposing things can be true at the same time. This approach helps challenge rigid, all-or-nothing thought processes, allowing for a more balanced and nuanced perspective.

All-or-nothing thinking often appears in the form of rigid, polarizing thoughts—pass or fail, success or failure, good or bad. These harsh criticisms can feel overwhelming and absolute. Dialectical thinking shifts this perspective from an either-or mindset to a both-and approach. Instead of viewing oneself as entirely capable or a complete failure, dialectical thinking allows space for nuance—recognizing that sometimes one is capable, and sometimes mistakes happen. This approach fosters validation, understanding, and flexibility, replacing rigid thinking with a more balanced and adaptable mindset.

Dialectical thinking can also look like, for example, “I work really hard, and sometimes I still need to try harder.” It can also be, “Sometimes I feel good, and sometimes I don’t.” Or “I can love someone and still feel hurt by their actions.” Another example is, “I can love myself and still have difficult days,” or, “Some days I’m productive, and others I’m not.” This kind of thinking helps individuals embrace the space between two polar opposites and find the nuanced truth that exists there.

Challenging the Inner Critic

The next step is challenging the inner critic. Often, the most damaging voice is the inner critic—the voice inside that tells an individual they’re not good enough or haven’t done enough. This internal dialogue can become an obstacle in the journey toward self-compassion.

Here are some thinking patterns that are pretty common. Three that are often seen are all-or-nothing thinking (or black-and-white thinking), disqualifying the positives, and shoulds. These are patterns that frequently emerge when discussing self-esteem. 

The first one, all-or-nothing thinking, was touched on earlier with dialectics. It involves finding the gray area—rather than thinking in terms of “this or that,” it’s about asking how the two can be combined to find the truth or whether there is a middle ground to settle on.

The next one is should statements, which tend to affect many people. Common thoughts like “I should have done this” or “I should do that” often emerge. Hindsight is always clearer, and it’s easy to slip into the pattern of “shoulds.” A helpful strategy to address this is to replace the word “should” with “could.” 

For example, instead of saying, “I should have been more productive today,” try saying, “I could have been more productive today, and I chose to rest,” or “I could have been productive, but my body needed rest.” If there’s a feeling of regret, like “I shouldn’t have done that,” it can be reframed as “I could have done that” or “I couldn’t have done that.” Acknowledging what was done and deciding how to move forward with that choice helps reduce criticism and adds compassion, even if only a little.

Accumulation of Positives

The last one is disqualifying the positives, which can often occur when the focus is solely on the negatives. The negatives tend to feel more threatening, sometimes making them seem like the most important aspect. However, if only the negatives are acknowledged and the positive aspects are overlooked, it results in an incomplete picture. 

Disqualifying the positives might look like receiving a review at work where most of the feedback is positive, but there is one negative comment. If the focus is solely on that one negative comment, thoughts like “I’m a bad employee because of this one bad mark” can arise, even though the majority of the feedback was positive. When stuck in negativity, it’s important to challenge the mindset by asking, “What are all the things that are going right? What positives can be recognized to balance out the situation?”

Building Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is the ability to acknowledge one’s own abilities and limitations

• Gratitude
• Decrease comparisons
• Embracing the concept of Wabi-Sabi
• Forgiveness

Next is building self-acceptance, which can be particularly challenging. This process involves confronting aspects of oneself that may not always be comfortable and acknowledging those parts of one’s identity.

Self-acceptance isn’t just accepting the versions of ourselves that we do like, it’s also accepting the parts of ourselves that we don’t like. It requires coming to terms with personal vulnerabilities and limitations, understanding them, and appreciating them for what they are. This can be especially difficult for those struggling with perfectionism, as accepting imperfections can present a significant challenge.

Gratitude

Let’s explore ways to cultivate greater self-acceptance. One widely recognized approach is practicing gratitude, a concept that has been emphasized by countless therapists. It is often encouraged through exercises such as creating gratitude lists or journaling, and it frequently appears in self-help books and across social media. While it may sometimes seem like a cliché, the significance of gratitude cannot be overstated.

At this point, the concept of gratitude may feel overused to the point of skepticism, which is completely understandable. However, gratitude should not be viewed as a short-term goal but rather as a long-term goal. Simply expressing gratitude overnight will not lead to an immediate sense of self-acceptance. However, after three months, six months, or a year of consistent practice, a shift begins to take place—one that influences thought patterns and perspectives on the world. This deeper impact of gratitude is often overlooked.

The approach to practicing gratitude is entirely personal. Some individuals prefer journaling, while others use reminders or simply take a moment to reflect on what they are grateful for. Whether it involves writing a list or engaging in a brief mental check-in, the method is entirely up to individual preference. Even when the practice feels repetitive or insignificant, it is important to continue, as meaningful change is occurring, even on the smallest level.

Decrease Comparisons

Another significant challenge is decreasing comparisons. This can be particularly difficult in a world where comparison feels almost inevitable—especially for those who are active on social media. With the rise of AI, Photoshop, and curated online personas, it becomes easy to compare your own life to a highly filtered version of someone else’s. 

However, the effects of constant comparison can be detrimental, leading to feelings of inadequacy, lower self-esteem, and even mental health struggles such as anxiety and depression.

While comparison is often used as motivation, the impact it has on mental health can be overwhelming compared to its intended benefits. It can be difficult to resist the urge to compare, but when that urge arises, a more constructive approach is to turn inward. How does the present version of oneself compare to the past? What growth has taken place? What challenges have been faced, and how were they overcome? Reflecting on past resilience serves as a reminder—having navigated hardships before, there is strength to endure and overcome whatever challenges arise in this moment.

When caught in cycles of comparison, shifting focus inward can be beneficial—though even this can sometimes feel challenging. The key is to redirect attention toward what is going well. Rather than dwelling on what is lacking, this is an opportunity to embrace gratitude and recognize what is already present.

One way to do this is by leaning into personal strengths and values. Keeping a journal, creating a vision board, or compiling a photo album filled with moments of joy can serve as tangible reminders of positivity. By intentionally focusing on what is going right, it becomes easier to appreciate personal growth and the meaningful aspects of life.

A meaningful practice for cultivating self-compassion is collecting affirmations from others. For example, an individual might save thoughtful notes from teachers, peers, or loved ones in a designated box. During moments of self-doubt, revisiting these messages can serve as a powerful reminder of the kindness and support I have received over time. Some may even choose to display these affirmations on a board as a visual source of encouragement.

Finding ways to preserve and reflect on positive interactions can be especially helpful when self-love feels distant. How do we collect things? If we can’t remind ourselves, how do we utilize the love that’s been shared by other people in moments where we’re feeling like we don’t have a whole lot of love for ourselves? When personal reminders are difficult to access, drawing upon the warmth and affirmation shared by others can provide much-needed reassurance.

Embracing the Concept of Wabi-Sabi

The next concept is truly beautiful as it delves into embracing imperfection. One profound example is the Japanese aesthetic of wabi-sabi, which celebrates the beauty found in imperfection. This concept highlights how nothing in nature is flawless, yet nature remains inherently beautiful. It exudes peace, calm, and healing—qualities that remind us that we, too, are not designed to be perfect.

Recognizing the unique traits and imperfections that make us who we are can help us appreciate our natural beauty and humanity. These distinctive qualities are an integral part of our identity. 

For example, coming from a background in art, one individual recalls how fiber artists, who often work with materials that are mass-produced for perfection, found it challenging to reconcile their own work with this idea of flawless production. This journey into wabi-sabi encourages embracing the beauty in those very imperfections that make us distinct and human.

Fiber artists have now perfectly implemented imperfections into their work so that people know that their work was hand-done and that people can value the work that went into it instead of comparing it to something manufactured. 

When we’re looking at social media and we’re seeing the AI and the Photoshop, that’s manufactured. There is something so inherently beautiful about being who you are in the moment, outside of trying to fit this manufactured mold. Again, embracing imperfections is not easy, and it’s going to take time and practice. With that, we always want to remind people that we always want to strive for progress over perfection. 20% better is 20% better. It’s better than 10%. 

What are ways that you slowly notice yourself moving forward that help you lean into progress when you’re feeling stuck in the lack of reaching those expectations that you had? 

Forgiveness

The last one is forgiveness. Anything with self-acceptance is challenging because it makes us face those parts of ourselves that we don’t feel comfortable doing. Forgiveness is powerful. We often talk about forgiving others, but we don’t often talk about how we forgive ourselves. We all have had experiences that we may have regretted, feel embarrassed about, or have guilt about. 

But when we can take that moment and forgive ourselves of those moments, we’re opening our hearts up for something else. Just like the impact of forgiveness towards others is apparent, when we implement it with ourselves, it’s just as apparent. It can, again, help with increased positive mental health, how we view ourselves, ourselves in a more positive light and decrease our feelings of anxiety around other things. 

Building Boundaries

Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and relational limits that define what is and what is not acceptable for you.

• Understanding emotions and identifying needs
• Understanding the difference between rigid, loose, and healthy boundaries
• Practice and patience

Lastly, we’re going to talk about building boundaries. Another concept that is thrown around is having boundaries, but we often don’t talk about what boundaries are or what it looks like to have a healthy boundary, a rigid boundary, or a porous boundary. 

We’re just told boundaries, and we’re not really given a whole lot of information on that. Let’s dive into that a little bit more to hopefully give you a little bit more insight so that you can work on creating those boundaries for yourself in a way that works for you.

Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and relational limits that define what is and what is not acceptable for you. 

Understanding our emotions and identifying our needs are the first steps to creating boundaries in the first place. If we don’t know what our needs are, how are we going to create a boundary around them? 

Our emotions are our greatest insight into what our needs actually are. Emotions are often seen as this big, overwhelming thing that we can’t control. But emotions, in essence, are the way our mind and our body and our spirit communicate with each other. And spirit can also be intertwined with self-consciousness. Our emotions are communicating getting to us. 

For instance, if we’re angry and we ask ourselves, what’s underneath this anger? Are we, again, feeling misunderstood? Are we feeling wronged? If we’re feeling sadness, what do we need? What’s the feeling behind that sadness? Are we feeling lonely? Are we being too hard on ourselves? Are we feeling lost, stuck, or disappointed? 

Then we can ask ourselves, what do I need? If we’re sad and feeling lonely, how do we seek comfort? How do we seek company? If we’re angry and we feel misunderstood, how do we create reassurance and understanding? Is that something we need to find within ourselves, or is that something we need to seek externally? 

Next is understanding the difference between boundaries. We often talk about boundaries, and sometimes we swing between being too loose and too rigid, moving like a pendulum. It’s important to define the differences between rigid, loose, and healthy boundaries.

Rigid boundaries tend to keep people out. Think of them as a wall around a castle, where the gates are locked, and no one is allowed in. It’s a very closed-off approach, offering little space for vulnerability, connection, and intimacy. 

On the opposite end, loose or porous boundaries happen when we become too involved or entangled in other people’s lives. This might include oversharing, giving too much of ourselves, or blending our needs with those of others while neglecting our own. These are the two extremes, and healthy boundaries lie somewhere in the middle. 

Healthy boundaries are where assertiveness lives—firm yet soft. It’s about how to protect yourself and your needs while also remaining open to connection, vulnerability, and intimacy. This is where healthy boundaries and relationships begin to thrive. The importance of this, especially in relation to your relationship with yourself, is significant. 

Think about it—if you wouldn’t allow someone to hurt your loved one, if you set boundaries for those you care about, why wouldn’t you have boundaries for yourself to prevent parts of you from being hurt?

It’s also important to understand the risks that come with setting boundaries, and we really want to highlight this so that everyone is aware. When we start implementing boundaries, it can be a shock for people who are used to us having rigid or loose boundaries. 

It’s like a farmer who has only ever sold strawberries. Upon learning that if he doesn’t rotate his crops, the soil will lose its nutrients and he won’t be able to grow anything, he decides to bring carrots and lettuce to market instead of strawberries. Some customers, however, may be upset because they are accustomed to always having strawberries. But if the farmer gives in and only does strawberry, then eventually, no one will have strawberries, the fields will die, and his livelihood and the comfort of others would go downhill. It may take time, and the customers may be unhappy. But with time, customers will still get their strawberries while also still rotating out other foods and nutrients. 

It’s a little bit of a metaphor, a simile, for what boundaries can look like and why people have a hard time accepting them. Something that they’re used to having and are comfortable with has now changed. 

Change can be hard, whether it’s within ourselves or we’re experiencing it from others. 

It can take time for things to settle and for people to adjust and get really comfortable with the boundaries that you put in place. This should not be something that scares you away from practicing boundaries. A good step is to go slow. Start implementing smaller boundaries at a time to test the water. We’re not going to cannonball into a freezing cold lake or freezing cold pool. But when we take one step at a time, we slowly start to warm up to the pool.

Again, a part of this is practice and patience. None of this, none of the self-love, the acceptance, the compassion, the boundaries, none of that is going to happen overnight. It does take consistency and practice. It’s also not going to be linear, and it’s not going to be perfect. 

That’s part of the journey of it. But if you set intention, if you want to be deliberate about it, if you really want to build this relationship with yourself, take a moment and think about what that would look like. 

What happens when we do meet barriers? What happens when we do meet roadblocks? Or we lean into our criticism a little bit more, and we’re not so self-compassionate. All of that is part of this journey. Every opportunity, every roadblock, and every barrier is a moment and an opportunity for growth. It’s a way that we can change and develop and get a better understanding of who we are and what our needs are. 

There shouldn’t be things that scare us but things that encourage us and open us up for some new opportunities. Those are some of the strategies for building self-love. 

An Exercise to Foster a Relationship with Yourself

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. – Rupi Kaur

Here is an exercise that we’ve often used with some of our own clients that is a little more fun and a little more experimental. Everybody has their own thoughts and feelings towards it, which is totally fair. It’s not necessarily a new concept, and we have had clients that have seen some success with it. 

We encourage you to explore what it would look like to “date yourself.” It might feel a bit uncomfortable, silly, or even strange to think about it this way, and you’re probably thinking, “What on earth do you mean? How would I even date myself?” I think that that’s fair, and that is definitely a question that has definitely come up. 

Think about it just like you would any other relationship—whether it’s a friendship or a romantic one. You spend time with the person, you do things for them, and you get dressed up for yourself or others. The same principles can be applied to yourself. 

How do you plan time with yourself? Maybe you go on a little movie date or take a walk in the park. If you love flowers, do you buy yourself some? Are there hobbies you’ve neglected because of other responsibilities? How do you make time for the things you enjoy?

Just like you would schedule a date with someone else and plan it in your calendar, do the same for yourself. Just as we would compliment a loved one, look in the mirror and offer compliments, reassurance, and affirmations to yourself. When you’re feeling down, take the time to get dressed up and treat yourself to a nice haircut—these are part of self-care. 

But self-care only goes so far when it’s done without intention versus when it’s done with purpose.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” This is why the practice of dating yourself is so important. When you take the time to spend with yourself, you begin to understand your needs, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, your red flags, and your green flags. Once you understand these aspects of yourself, you start to recognize them in other relationships, helping you understand what you’re willing to tolerate and accept and what you’re not.

It’s the idea that if I can love myself in this way, then I deserve someone who can love me in the same way. This is where it becomes a beautiful concept. We want to emphasize that self-love isn’t selfish. It’s about understanding your needs and who you are while also being considerate of and taking into account the needs, thoughts, and feelings of others. 

It’s about balance—balancing understanding yourself and understanding others, validating your own feelings while also validating the feelings of those around you. That’s what makes it not selfish.

Again, this might feel like a bit of a fun or unconventional activity, but whether you call it dating yourself, spending time with yourself, or building a relationship with yourself, the label is yours to choose. What I encourage you to do is to put the same level of effort into your relationship with yourself as you do with your relationships with others. Treat yourself with the same care and attention. 

Resources

One of our absolute favorite authors is Brené Brown—she does such a wonderful job of exploring shame and vulnerability. Her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, is especially great for anyone struggling with perfectionism or self-acceptance. If you find yourself wrestling with negative core beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” her book How to Be Enough can be a great resource to work through those feelings. 

And then there’s Radical Acceptance, which ties into DBT skills. It’s a challenging skill to implement, but once you get the hang of it, it’s incredibly effective. It’s tough to learn but transformative once mastered. If you’re into audiobooks or reading and want to dive deeper into these concepts, these books are fantastic places to start. 

We also loved this quote: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.” We truly believe this to be true. The love we give to others, we also deserve to give to ourselves.

And just to clarify, these resources didn’t come solely from our own thinking – We’ve pulled from these books and others to share with you. So we went through, and we’ve pulled things from different places to provide the most effective information that we could. 

For more information, you can call or text us at Eddins Counseling & Therapy Group. If you are interested in counseling, you can always sign up for a free 15-minute consultation with our facilitator, Brittnie Grono, or any of our other wonderful clinicians at our practice. Everybody specializes in different things.

Brittnie Grono specializes in working with individuals dealing with ADHD, depression, anxiety, life transitions, emotions, and self-esteem. Her practice is rooted in a trauma-informed and neurodivergent lens. If this resonates with you, she invites you to reach out. Her email is [email protected] if you have any questions or would like to schedule a consultation—she would love to hear from you.

For more information, you can call or text the Eddins Counseling & Therapy Group to schedule a free consultation or book a session. Thank you for joining, and if you’re here, please feel free to fill out the questionnaire in the feedback form in the chat box. Thank you so much!

Feel free to visit additional resources:

1. Articles on specific topics on our blog.
2. RSVP for one of our free monthly webinars (or view past webinars)
3. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for additional interviews and tips
4. Take another one of our self-test quizzes
5. Schedule a consult and find out how we can support you.

Whether you’re working on building self-love or addressing deeper emotional barriers, you can start to experience more peace and confidence in your life.

Contact our therapists to learn more about how we can help you cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself and foster greater self-compassion. To get started now, give us a call to schedule an appointment at 832-559-2622 or schedule an appointment online. We also offer online therapy for convenience and flexibility.